1. Did we ALL marry idiots? What caused you to name a book, We All Married Idiots: Three
Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can.
Years ago during an argument with my husband I thought, I must have been an idiot to marry
this idiot! Then I burst out laughing realizing that makes me an idiot too! Later I learned the
word “idiot” is derived from the Greek word “common man.” Well, aren’t we all common man?
In fact there was only one uncommon man—Jesus Christ. When we look to our spouses to
fulfill needs that only Christ can fulfill, then husbands and wives become dissatisfied with their
marriages. So yes, we all did marry idiots; and so did our spouses.
2. What is the purpose of We All Married Idiots?
With the divorce rate around 50% for Christians and non-Christians, my heart is broken for
marriages. Too many couples give up too soon for too little reason. They enter a second marriage
only to realize, Ugh, this person is an idiot too! My purpose is to change that divorce statistic.
We All Married Idiots will help couples enjoy marriage as God intended. One were their mate is
esteemed as a gift to treasure not as an idiot to tolerate.
3. Tell us about your marriage?
Dan and I have been married 41 years. Our first years of marriage were rough. I packed his
bags numerous times because I was looking to him to fulfill needs that only Jesus could fulfill.
I wasn’t happy, so I thought (as many unhappily married people think), perhaps I married the
wrong person. I shudder thinking what my life would have been like had I successfully thrown
away this wonderful man who I love with all of my heart.
4. Did your marriage face a crisis and how did it turn around?
Our marriage is a miracle, really. One August afternoon I knew it was over. I had hit the wall.
It was that day I realized I couldn’t do this thing called marriage in my own strength and I
surrendered my life and my marriage to Jesus Christ. Wow! God did a miracle and filled my
heart to overflowing with love for Jesus and for my husband. Dan came home to a new wife.
I had never felt such love! I realized that day my happiness does not come from a husband or
children or material goods. Happiness comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ
Elaine W. Miller interview questions
5. Is this a book just for newlyweds?
The three things you will never change about your marriage and the ten things you can teaches
couples to esteem their beloved as a gift to treasure, not as an idiot to tolerate. What marriage
couldn’t benefit from that! We All Married Idiots was written for every marriage . Newlyweds
will start out on the right path as they discover wisdom that I wish I had known in the early days.
Those in struggling marriages will learn why they struggle. Those in ho-hum marriages will
learn to view marriage as an adventure given as a gift from God.
6. What are the three things you will never change?
The first is the idiosyncrasies. We all have peculiar habits and do little things that annoy. We’d
like to change our spouse’s idiosyncrasies, but honestly that is not what we promised on our
wedding days. I’ve been to a lot of weddings and never heard this vow, “I promise to make a
mental note of everything you do that annoys me and remind you of it as long as we both shall
The second is sin. We all married sinners. Why would we do that? I love Elisabeth Elliot’s
answer, “There was no one else to marry!” We all sin and sin inflicts pain. There will be times
you and your spouse will hurt each other.
The third is the differences. Men and women don’t think the same. We have different ways of
I promise you there is conflict in the marriage of two idiotic sinners who don’t think alike. We
can’t change the struggles, but we can change how we respond when the idiosyncrasies, the sin,
and the differences arise.
7. Why will this book strengthen marriages?
We All Married Idiots teaches husbands and wives to stop concentrating on the three things
they will never change and focus on the ten things they can change. Too often couples spend the
majority of their conflicts trying to change the three things they will never change. Talk about
hitting a wall!
8. What makes you a marriage expert?
I’m not! I’m an idiot! I am not an authority on marriage, but I know Someone Who is and He has
written a great Book. God created marriage as a gift to us. He is The Marriage Expert and every
day I talk to Him and study the best book on marriage ever written—the Bible. We All Married
Idiots looks at marriage through the eyes of God instead of the eyes of man. My husband and I
have lead numerous marriage retreats and counseled many hurting couples. We know the hurt
and frustration of a marriage gone wrong and the joy and blessing of a marriage gone right.
Elaine W. Miller interview questions
9. What is your best piece of marriage advice?
Oh there’s so much good marriage advice. In marriage we need to examine ourselves. Funny.
I’ve read through the Bible seven times searching for a verse that says, “Examine your spouse.”
It’s not there. But the Bible does say “examine yourself.” Couples are too quick to point the
blaming finger at each other rather than ask God to point Your finger at me and show me what I
am doing wrong.
Another word of advice is to give up your life and your marriage to God and hold on. Don’t let
go. The problems you have today could be gone in five or ten years. I just don’t love him or her
anymore is not a reason for a divorce. You don’t feel love today, but you could fall back in love
next week or in three years. Marriage is not a sprint. It is a marathon. Husbands and wives grow
up, mature, change for the better. Keep running towards the goal God has for your marriage.
Of course, if you are in an abusive situation, I advise you to flee to a safe place and receive
professional Christian counseling.
10. Why do you think there are so many divorces?
With the divorce rate at around 50 percent for Christians as well as non-Christians, it’s pretty
clear there are a lot of people thinking they are married to idiots and that someone else will
fulfill their needs and make them happy. It isn’t long before they realize in a second marriage
that, “Ugh! That person is an idiot too!” We live in a self-centered, self-seeking world. We want
a good marriage and we want it today. We are too quick to throw a marriage away in search of
one that will satisfy.
11. What factors do you see influencing marriages towards divorce?
Marriage is like running a marathon. It takes hard work, diligence, discipline, positive influences.
To motivate themselves, marathon runners watch videos of runners completing the race. How
committed would they be if racers filled their minds with runners falling and never completing
the marathon? Is that what we do when night after night we watch television shows depicting
marriage after marriage failing? The world portrays marriage negatively. Couples fighting,
belittling each other, divorcing. Married couples on television rarely have a sexual relationship.
Love making ends as soon as the wedding rings go on. How sad. I believe these negative
portrayals are influencing us to believe that marriage doesn’t work. It is a lie we must not listen
to. God intended marriage as a blessing, but the world has distorted God’s plan
12. Why did you write We All Married Idiots?
I tried to give up on my marriage, but I was married to a man determined to hold on and to
glorify God. He was committed to me for a lifetime. What a great guy and an amazing man
of God! I can’t imagine my life without him. Realizing what my life would have been had I
divorced him makes me shudder. I wrote We All Married Idiots to save marriages from the pain
I inflicted on myself and on Dan. I wrote to glorify God and to change that awful 50% divorce
We All Married Idiots is a great tool for individual study or couples to study together. I’d love
to see it used in small-group home meetings where you invite your neighbors to study it with
you. Think about it. Fifty percent of our neighbors are headed for divorce. We could change that
statistic by reaching out to them with a We All Married Idiots small group. The questions at the
end of each chapter are not threatening and do not require a theological degree to understand. As
one reviewer said, “This is the most accessible Christian book I have ever read.”
13. This book is humorous, but it is also serious. Share something humorous. Share something
In my chapter “Strip Down” I talk about God’s command in Hebrews 12 to “strip off every
weight that weighs us down.” When God tells us to strip, He means to take it all off. Get rid of it.
Marathon racers wear very little clothes because the weight slows them down. The weight of sin
in our hearts weighs us down and keeps us from effectively running a marriage marathon.
Dan and I were on an airplane sitting on the runway when the pilot told the passengers that the
airplane was too heavy to take off. He asked for two volunteers to get off the plane. I was not
comforted when two of the tiniest ladies on the plane raised their hands. Off they went. If that
airplane had been my heart I think removing my two tiniest sins might get me off the ground but
would not enable me to soar. God wants us to unload all of our baggage. And then our marriages
will take off and soar in the right direction!
14. After a couple reads We All Married Idiots, what changes can they expect in their marriage?
My hope is that couples will change their thinking about marriage. They will see marriage as
a gift from God that He gave to open and enjoy. Then they will esteem their spouse as a gift to
treasure, not as an idiot to tolerate.
15. It’s easy to read a book and not apply what is read. Does We All Marry Idiots help a couple
take positive action towards a better marriage.
Oh yes. We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and
Ten Things You Can consists of 13 chapters which are the three things you won’t change and the
ten things you can. 3 + 10 = 13 chapters. At the end of each chapter are questions to contemplate
and application and action steps to take re-enforcing the teaching of each chapter.
16. How does your husband feel about being called an idiot?
He’s such a great guy. Honestly, I’m the idiot in chief at our house. I don’t like the word idiot,
but the truth is compared to God, that is what we all are. We have a great God who reconciled
Himself to idiot man through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I pray all idiots out there
will realize that truth and place their trust and faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus saved our marriage. My
husband approves of and supports my writing. If our story can help marriages, then he is happy
to be called an idiot.
17. Is this your first book? Tell us a little about yourself.
I am the author of two other books, Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Moms
and Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Wives.
Married for 41 years, Dan and I are blessed with three married children and eight grandchildren.
We live a beautiful life in upstate New York right on the edge of the Adirondack Mountains. Dan
is an ordained minister and a District Superintendent for our denomination, The Christian and
Missionary Alliance. He oversees 77 churches. We’re blessed to travel to Europe each year as
Pastoral Care Couple to Missionaries in Bosnia. We enjoy a blessed and sometimes idiotic life
together. We like hiking, golfing, skiing, travelling, kayaking and most anything outdoors. God
gave us a beautiful playground. And those precious grandchildren. Oh my! Love them!!!
18. Who is your publisher? How can We All Married Idiots be purchased?
Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas is the publisher. We All Married Idiots is available
on line as a print or ebook and at your local bookstore. Autographed copies can be
purchased through my website, http://www.SplashesofSerenity.com or by contacting me at